Once you get to a place in eating disorder recovery where you can distinguish between your own personal, healthy thoughts and beliefs and the eating disorder “voice” in your head, you might feel like you are constantly at war with yourself. The more battles you win, the closer you will get to full recovery.
However, you may feel like your eating disorder “voice” has gotten a lot louder during this difficult time in our world, staying at home and feeling uncertain about the future.
So how can you win arguments with your eating disorder?
Sometimes, it can help to visualize the internal battle as a dialogue between you and your eating disorder.
Here are some examples of how a typical day can go:
Eating Disorder: You ate more than usual yesterday, so you should skip breakfast and lunch today.
Healthy Self: Today is a new day. What I ate yesterday doesn’t change what my body needs today. No one else in my family does that, and if I restrict today, it will make my eating disorder stronger.
Eating Disorder: I wish I ate less for breakfast.
Healthy Self: I’m curious, why am I hoping that I won’t eat what my body needs. I know from experience that if I eat less at breakfast, I will likely become ravenously hungry later and end up bingeing.
Eating Disorder: I didn’t get to move much today, so I should eat less for lunch.
Healthy Self: There goes my eating disorder again. I don’t need to earn what I eat by exercising. My body needs to eat regularly for my recovery regardless of how much physical activity I do.
Eating Disorder: You can wait until dinner.
Self: I’m working on giving myself unconditional permission to eat when I am hungry. Now is a great opportunity to practice allowing myself to eat because I’m hungry.
Eating Disorder: You ate junk food, so you should skip dinner.
Healthy Self: All foods fit in recovery. It’s ok to eat a variety of foods. By restricting certain foods, it will just make them more appealing, and I will likely end up bingeing on them. Eating regularly will prevent me from ending up in an emotionally exhausting restrict/binge cycle.
Eating Disorder: You need to work on getting your body in shape during this quarantine.
Self: My body is not a project to be worked on, but my recovery is. My body is actually working hard to keep me healthy, and I need to treat it with respect. This pandemic is actually a great time for me to evaluate what I truly value and how I want to live my life.
You can even write out the argument that is occurring in your mind if it helps. You likely know the logical responses, even if your eating disorder is trying to assert itself.
Sometimes, you might know that your eating disorder is wrong, but allow the thoughts to become urges and act on them anyway. That is normal. The goal is to eventually start winning more battles than you lose. Every time you give in to the eating disorder, you give it more power over you.
If you don’t feel ready to fight back for yourself, pretend you are talking to someone you love, like a friend or younger cousin. What would you say to them? Would you encourage them not to eat? No way! So why are you any different? Your eating disorder will probably come up with a million reasons why you are a special case, but they will all be illogical.
But a struggle against your mental illness obviously isn’t simply a battle of wits. In order to win arguments against your eating disorder, you need the motivation to listen to the healthy, logical side of yourself.
How do you find the motivation to fight your eating disorder when it is easier (and often more tempting) to let it win?
Start with a pros and cons list.
Think of all the things you will be able to do and have in your life if you recover. Social outings and vacations will be more pleasant and less stressful. Dinner dates won’t be a source of anxiety for you; you’ll be able to focus on the person you are seeing instead of the food. It will be easier to focus on the things you love doing, because your mind won’t be consumed by thoughts of food and exercise. Joyful movement will be fun again. Your body will be stronger and better prepared to do the hiking, dancing, walking, swimming, sports, and other things you love. Clothes shopping will bring you joy instead of pain. Your relationships with your friends, family, and significant other will be less strained.
Aren’t those things worth fighting for?
When your own healthy voice is stronger than your eating disorder voice, the arguments will become increasingly easier to win.
If you are a resident of California and need help on your recovery journey, especially during these challenging times, don’t hesitate to contact us for a free 15-minute consultation for online eating disorder therapy. Unsure about online eating disorder therapy? Kindful Body has been supporting clients with virtual eating disorder therapy before this pandemic. We’d be happy to support you too.
