How Trauma Changes Your Relationship With the Holidays

Written by Samantha Young, LPCC 

For most, the holidays are a time for gathering with family and friends, a time of togetherness, traditions, and feelings of nostalgia.  But what if they are not?  What if you are someone who has experienced trauma?  How might this change your relationship with the holidays?

So, What Is Trauma?

Trauma can be defined as: “Psychological trauma is the unique individual experience of an event, a series of events, or a set of enduring conditions in which:  the individual’s ability to integrate his or her emotional experience is overwhelmed and/or the individual experiences (subjectively) a threat to life, bodily integrity, or sanity.”  (Saakvitne et al, 2000)

Trauma is also relational:  as human beings, we are hardwired to seek out sources of support from other human beings.  When trauma occurs relationships and individuals can be seen as frightening and unsafe.  This can lead an individual to isolate themselves and struggle with the formation of secure, safe attachments.  

How Does Trauma Impact an Individual and Thus Their Experiences?

For individuals who struggle with experiencing trauma, they may experience trauma wounds in the form of flashbacks, unpredictable emotions, physical ailments, and strained relationships.  They may become triggered in everyday and social situations and when triggered may experience sudden and overwhelming feelings, sensations, and impulses that convey that they are in danger in the here and now.  Trauma can also change relationships by impacting an individual’s sense of self, an overall sense of danger and mistrust, difficulties with forming relationships and getting close to others as well as isolation may feel more normative/safe.

Trauma and the Holidays

So during the Holiday season, this can be a high-risk and difficult time for someone who has experienced trauma.  There may be a sense of hypervigilance that occurs, avoidance of events and social situations as well as increased feelings of depression and anxiety.  An individual may not see the holidays as a joyful, positive experience and may feel overwhelmed or may want to avoid situations altogether.  

How to Navigate the Holiday Season

So how can an individual plan for and navigate the Holiday Season?  Here are some tips:

1.  Begin to identify what triggers are present for you and what types of situations may be difficult and overwhelming for you, get specific.
2. Have a plan of action with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or other supportive individuals regarding what your plan is to handle possible triggers and practice doing so before encountering situations.
3. Practice boundary setting-identify what potential boundaries you might need to set and with whom before any interactions.  Practice these before the situation.
4. Practice good self-care.  Engage in regular rhythms and routines that are sustaining and may help create a sense of safety or relaxation.
5. Start a new tradition.  Frequently with the experience of trauma, old traditions may no longer feel safe or joyous.  Practice setting a new tradition, what might you like or celebrate, and with whom.  Experiment with different options.  

Begin Working with a Trauma Therapist in Los Angeles, CA

If you or someone you know is struggling with unresolved trauma, please feel free to reach out to Kindful Body to connect with one of our Clinicians for additional support and help. Our team would be happy to offer support from our LA-based practice and across the state. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:

1. Schedule a 15-minute Zoom consultation with our client care coordinator.
2. Connect with a caring therapist.
3. Start making the most of the holiday season!