For many college students, midterms are the spookiest part of this time of year. Syllabus week is long gone and there’s no time to relax. With the added academic stress and pressure to perform well on tests, your eating disorder may get a lot louder. You might binge to ease your stress or restrict yourself to feeling some sense of control.
If you also struggle with perfectionism, you likely have high expectations for your academic performance. Grades can make or break you.
When you rely on test scores to determine your worth, it’s easy to spiral. Sometimes identifying with your mistakes, (ex. a ‘bad’ grade makes you believe you are not good enough) leads you to believe that you do not deserve to nourish yourself.
So how do you manage perfectionism in college? Will you be able to do well if you don’t hold yourself to strict standards?
Managing Perfectionism in College
It can be hard to let go of high expectations. There’s a misconception that being hard on yourself will help you perform better, but the opposite is true. People with perfectionistic tendencies often don’t allow themselves to learn from their mistakes, and consequently are unable to improve.
You can’t shut down perfectionism altogether, but you can work to find self-worth outside of your achievements and grades. The antidote to perfectionism is self-compassion. It’s natural to think that being “too nice” to yourself will cause you to slack off, but self-compassion actually gives you the space and time you need to learn and grow.
One way to exercise self-compassion is to write down your perfectionistic thoughts and respond to each one with kindness.
Perfectionistic Thought Compassionate Response
“Anything less than an A is unacceptable.” “That test was really tough, but I tried my best.”
“I’m a failure for getting that question wrong.” “It was just one mistake, it’s okay.”
“I’ll only be good enough if I get good grades.” “Grades aren’t everything. I am so much more.”
If you find it hard to show yourself compassion, imagine you are talking to a friend. Would you want your friend to feel terrible about themselves for getting a B on a test?
Look at The Big Picture With Perfectionism
Perfectionism often keeps you from acknowledging when something does go well. Practice noting down each accomplishment, even if it’s small or can’t be quantified with numbers. For example, allowing yourself to rest between study sessions can be an accomplishment, and so is answering every single question on a test to the best of your ability.
Another way to ease the pressure of perfectionism is to look at the big picture:
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Does this mistake determine how well you will do for the rest of the semester?
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Would anyone you care about think less of you if they saw your grade?
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Will this one test score come up in your first post-college job interview?
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What do individual grades mean outside of college?
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In 10 years, will you still put your GPA on your resume?
Perfectionism and academic pressure often exacerbate each other and can lead to increased depression, anxiety, and stress. These in turn can make it more difficult to be mindful and present, affecting our ability to learn. We are completely capable of challenging perfectionism and how we respond to academic pressure through small changes in our thinking and behaviors. Reminding ourselves that we are capable is often the first step in this process.
Ashley Ellis Eid, LMFT, one of Kindful Body’s therapists that specializes in working with perfectionism shared, “I think one of the most helpful things in challenging perfectionism and connecting more to feelings of worthiness is to remind ourselves that we are not only a student. This is not where our worthiness comes from. Yes, school is important, but it does not define all of who we are. What else makes up who you are? It can be really helpful to reconnect with those other parts of ourselves.”
If you struggle to cut yourself any slack, midterms season can be brutal. This is your reminder that you are worthy and ‘good’ no matter what grades you receive.
Begin Managing Perfectionism in California
Struggling with the stress and anxiety perfectionism brings? You don’t have to struggle. Our eating disorder therapists in California work with busy college students and high school students transitioning to college through online therapy. Your Kindful Body therapist will help you develop healthier coping strategies to navigate life’s stressors and support you in healing the underlying issues that caused your obsession to spiral out of control. When you’re ready, our trauma therapists are here to guide you along and provide the space you need. Follow these easy steps to get started:
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Contact us for an initial consultation
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Get matched with a caring therapist
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Begin your healing journey
Other Services Offered at Kindful Body Counseling
Kindful Body offers a range of mental health services that can help you in your journey of healing. For additional support, our online therapy practice in California provides eating disorder treatment for students and adolescents, eating disorder treatment, brainspotting for eating disorders, and trauma therapy. Additionally, they offer anxiety treatment and stress therapy, therapy for binge eating, and low self-esteem issues, and relationship therapy. For more about us check out our blog or FAQs!
Stay tuned for more blogs in our college eating disorder series.
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