Many of the clients we treat for eating disorders through online therapy at Kindful Body exhibit perfectionistic tendencies. The connection between perfectionism and eating disorders is easy to see: People who struggle with perfectionism want to be perfect in every way, including having a perfect body and diet. The desire to achieve the perfect body or eat in the perfect way often goes too far and becomes an eating disorder.
During this time of collective trauma and isolation, it is important to be checking in with yourself about perfectionism while taking care of your mental health, as the pursuit of perfection can be a way to avoid unpleasant thoughts, feelings and trauma. One way you can do that is by becoming aware of your own possible perfectionism and how it affects your eating habits and how you feel about your body.
In general, perfectionism looks like:
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Holding yourself to extremely high standards that you wouldn’t necessarily hold others to
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Thinking in black and white (when the right answer or way is either this or that, no in between or gray area)
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Identifying with your mistakes (“I was wrong” equates to “I am wrong.”)
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Believing that there is only one right way to do things
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Not cutting yourself any slack
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Having no self-compassion or unconditional love for yourself when you make mistakes
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Doing everything you can to avoid failure
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Not giving yourself the room or time to learn from your mistakes in order to improve
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Having a strict set of rules that you must follow
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Only recognizing and valuing your accomplishments if you can quantify them (pounds lost, grades earned, etc.)
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Blaming yourself for a mistake when the fault belongs to all members of a group
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Seeking external approval
In an eating disorder, perfectionism often looks like:
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Thinking it is fine for others to eat a certain way but asserting that you are different and must diet or restrict
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Labeling food as either good or bad
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Punishing yourself for eating too much (usually through purging)
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Trying to find the one right way to eat (by trying different diets, cutting out food groups, etc.)
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Never letting yourself rest or be “‘lazy”
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Not allowing yourself to eat more than a specific number of calories, chips, nuts, etc.
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Doing everything you can to avoid weight gain at all costs
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Believing you have to immediately compensate for “bad” eating (through exercising, skipping meals, drinking a smoothie for your next meal, etc.)
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Having strict food rules
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Privileging weight loss over unmeasurable things like feeling stronger or being healthier
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Craving compliments about your body
There isn’t a “perfect” way to eat or exercise, just as there is no “perfect” body. But perfectionism will convince you that there is, and you might harm your body in your pursuit of that perfection.
Perfectionism is exhausting, and spoiler alert: It doesn’t lead to the results you want. In fact, perfectionism actually diminishes any external validation and connection because it doesn’t allow you to show up authentically and causes you to lose touch with who you really are.
Moreover, it disconnects you from your internal cues and your truth, and makes it much easier for you to internalize toxic messages from diet culture. Challenging these messages from diet culture and having an attuned approach to eating, movement, and self-care are essential in making peace with your inner perfectionist on your road to recovery.
If you are tired of the extremes of perfectionism and looking for balance, consider online eating disorder therapy. We have a whole team of eating disorder therapists in San Francisco and throughout California providing teletherapy who are ready to support you on your recovery journey. Contact us for a free 15-minute consultation to get started.
