Do you ever feel like you’re not enough? Is there a part of you that believes you have to earn love and attention?
If so, your eating disorder might be linked to your insecure attachment style.
What is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory says that the relationships we have with our primary caregivers determine how we see ourselves and the world. If our caregivers attended to our needs, comforted us when we were distressed, and provided us with guidance, we developed a secure attachment style. We are secure in ourselves and our relationships, and we know how to deal with our emotions and soothe ourselves.
If our caregivers were dismissive of our needs and did not provide us with consistent support, we developed an insecure attachment style. We wrestle with feelings of inadequacy and have a hard time believing we are lovable. In other words, we experience low self-esteem, which can contribute to disordered eating.
We know eating disorders aren’t actually about food, and the food itself isn’t just the literal nourishment we need to stay alive. Food carries many meanings, one of which is love. So of course it’s only natural for us to turn to food when there is an absence of love and emotional nourishment in our lives.
Mother Hunger
In our blog on relational trauma and eating disorders, we discussed a specific attachment injury that leads to insecure attachment, called Mother Hunger. Coined by Kelly McDaniel, the term ‘mother hunger’ describes a type of trauma that occurs when three critical development needs go unmet. These needs are guidance, nurturing, and safety, all needs which are usually met by our mothers.
With the absence of support, we are left with a void or a ‘hunger.’ Disordered eating behaviors can start to show up when we seek to fill that void and address emotional hunger.
If all this talk about figurative ‘hunger’ and ‘emotional nourishment’ sounds like a bunch of metaphorical poetry, stay with us. We promise it is all connected.
How Your Eating Disorder Fills The Relationship Void
Kindful Body Clinical Director Jasmine Dunckel says eating disorders are either about “filling or avoiding” a void.
Anorexia
With anorexia, one denies their own needs by restricting and starving. You can’t acknowledge that your needs are unmet when you pretend you don’t have any.
Anorexia behaviors might also address feelings of inadequacy. Feelings that come with an insecure attachment style. We might decide not to eat if we don’t feel as though we are deserving, or we might feel that eating less will make us ‘good enough.’ We derive our self-esteem from the sense of accomplishment that restriction brings us.
Bulimia and Binge Eating Disorder
With bulimia and binge eating disorder, food is there to fill the void. It provides the comfort and safety we needed but never (or rarely) received as a child.
Eating disorders can be a way of coping with the relational trauma of having parents or caregivers who weren’t there for us when we needed them. We attempt to fix our emotional hunger with food or the lack thereof when we don’t know how else to care for ourselves.
Start Eating Disorder Counseling In Los Angeles, CA
If you experience low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and perfectionism, or feel there is a void you are struggling to fill, you may want to explore how your attachment style is impacting your disordered eating. The eating disorder therapists at Kindful Body can help you learn to cope with these feelings of insecure attachment in new ways. To get started follow these simple steps:
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Contact us for a free 15-minute consultation
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Meet with a skilled eating disorder therapist
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Begin your healing journey.
Other Services Offered At Kindful Body
Kindful Body offers relationship counseling to clients 14 and older across California, as well as support for low self-esteem issues, emotional eating recovery, nutrition counseling, grief counseling, binge eating disorder, and body image. When you’re ready, we are here to help you with your eating disorder recovery whether you need eating disorder treatment in Sacramento, San Jose, Oakland/Berkeley, Walnut Creek, San Mateo, Orange County, CA, or anywhere online in California. Learn more about us by checking out our blog and FAQs page!
